Joy in the sorrow
by Marie S Zachary
Summary: Lane dies giving birth to twin girls. Zach, Rory and everyone else is devestated. How will Zach manage to be a father to those two beautiful girls. How will Rory cope without her best friend? How will Mrs. Kim cope without the daughter she loves?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls or anything thus far but the idea

* * *

For Lane and Zach life was full of promise. They were just married and expecting twin boys. They were so much in love that the world could fall to hell in a hand basket and they wouldn't care.

Sadly sometimes even the best of dreams can crumble and fall. In the case of Zach and Lane it did. Lane woke up at about 3 o'clock in the morning.

"Zach," she whispered. There was no response

"ZACH MY WATER JUST BROKE," she yelled loudly. THAT woke him up. "Your water broke?" "YES as the puddle would tell you"

Ten minutes later they were at the hospital as were Rory and Loreali and Mrs. Kim. The nurse took Lane up to labor and delivery. Zach had to fill out the forms before he could come up.

"I WANT HIM WITH ME"

"Look Lane, I'll come up with you and so will my mom," Rory said, "and Zach will be up just as soon as he's done with the forms"

"PROMISE"

"Of course baby," Zach said gently, "I'll be there way before the boys are born. I promise"

He kissed her and they took off to the labor and delivery room. Little did he know that that would be the last time he saw Lane alive.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Lane or Gilmore Girls

* * *

Lane's labor lasted for a very short time.

"Okay Lane push and the first baby is out" Lane pushed.

"Congratulations it's a girl" Lane looked shocked.

"Okay Lane breathe then push again and the second baby should be out soon" Lane followed the doctor's instructions gripping onto Rory's hand like the grip of death. Suddenly though she felt faint. She could hear clattering and the sound of a tiny wail. She could hear noise and make out words...

"Loss of blood"

"You'll have to go"

"Lane... Lane you hold on"

"We'll call you in as soon as we can"

Finally she said the last thing that she would ever say

"Tell Zach I love him and tell him to love the twins" With that Lane closed her eyes and breathed her last


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Gilmore Girls

* * *

Just as Zach was done filling out the last of the paperwork she saw Loreali coming down the hallway.

"How's Lane," he asked her.

"Zach, take a seat sweetie"

Zach sat down on the hospital bench.

"How's Lane," he repeated

"Sweetheart, the labor didn't last very long"

"The boys are born"

Loreali shook her head

"There were complications. Lane lost a lot of blood"

"Okay so they can replace it"

"No honey she was losing it faster then they could replace it.

"What can they do?"

"Zach, Lane's gone"

"WHAT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S GONE! WHERE DID SHE GO?"

"Honey, Lane went to heaven"

There was a moment when Zach didn't hear what Loreali said.

"Wait a minute? You're saying that Lane is dead?"

"She died a little while ago sweetie"

"No! Why would GOD take her?"

"She held on long enough to give you two beautiful daughters"

Zach sobbed into Loreali's shoulder. She comforted him like a mother would comfort a child.

"Come on," she said, "let's go see the girls"

"What girls"

"Your daughters"

At the thought of raising two daughters without their mother Zach bursts into tears again

_It's not fair!_


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own the twins and the nurse but that's all 

_Girls? He and Lane had Girls? How could this have happened? Girls? The tests said it was boys. Oh Zach didn't care about the fact that they weren't boys. But girls, they need their mothers._

_How was he going to raise girls? Who would go shopping with them for training bras? Who would help them when they got their... monthly visitor? Oh he would love them. He already did. But he was unequipped to raise girls especially on his own._

_Meanwhile, Rory was standing in the hallway shaking. Her life had changed forever. Her best friend had just died. Right now she longed to be a little girl, snuggling under the covers clinging to her mother's arms like she did when she was six and had a bad day. But she wasn't six, she was 21. She wasn't just having a bad day. The pain was in her heart and she felt they would never go away. 'Lane,' she thought, 'why did you leave' Thank GOD Loreali came back. She took a sobbing Rory and held her tightly. "It's okay to cry baby girl," she told her daughter, "just let it out" _

_Zach opened the door to the nursery and stared in awe at his beautiful girls. He picked up the first baby. _"I'm going to name you Lanie after your mother. _Then he picked up the second one _"and I'm going to name you Kim. Kim was your mother's last name. Oh I love you girls so much. I wish you could have known your mother but I promise you I'll love you double." _Then he kissed both of his newborn daughters and gently put them down in their bassinet. Just then a nurse came in. _

"Are those your babies" _Zach nodded. "I am so sorry for your loss"_


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls

* * *

Hearing those words _I am so sorry for your loss_, made Lane's death all too real for him.

"I was there, with your wife when she... expired" _Expired. What the hell do you think she is lady? A credit card? A drivers licence? _"Her last words were of you and the girls"

Zach smiled a small smile and thanked the nurse for her compassion.

"Was she in pain before she left"

"No. Actually she died with a smile on her face knowing that you and the girls were safe"

"Can I... can I see Lane?"

The nurse sighed. "Are you sure you want to? Wouldn't you rather remember her alive and happy and smiling"

"Well I would imagine at the funeral she won't be alive and happy and smiling,"

"I understand that but-"

"I need a chance to be alone with her, to say goodbye. Please" The nurse nodded.

"I'll call a volunteer to escort you to the morgue."

The morgue? That was a place for dead people. Why was Lane at the morgue. Then he remembered. Lane is dead. Half an hour ago she was alive. Now she's dead.

"Mr. Stoke?"

Zach looked up and saw a young volunteer of not more then fourteen years old. "Yeah, I'm Zach Stoke"

"Come on. I'll bring you to your wife"

They walked in silence for a few minutes. Then the volunteer showed him the morgue. "Just ask for Lane inside. The guard will let you see her and even leave to give you some time with her"

"Thank you"

"Mr. Stoke, I know this is little consolation but if you ever need to talk, I'm here on Wednesdays and Saturdays and you can call me any time"

She wrote down her cell phone number. "I'm not coming onto you," she laughed, "I just know what it's like to need a friend in this time of trouble"

"Margaret," Zach said, "thank you. That means a lot to me." Then Margaret left and the guard saw to Zach's needs.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls or any of the orginal characters

* * *

"Lane... GOD there is so much I want to say to you. I want to tell you how much I love you. I want to tell you you're my life. I want to tell you that you are the only person I will ever love.

"You should see the girls. They are beautiful. They're an absolute mirror image of you." Zach looked at Lane for a few minutes. She was so still. She wasn't moving, she wasn't talking. Well what did he expect. She was dead. Of course she wasn't going to move, wasn't going to talk, wasn't going to breathe... she was dead and she wasn't coming back.

"Oh Lane why did you have to go? I love you. How am I supposed to live without you? Why was GOD so cruel as to take you from me?

"Are you happy in heaven Lane? What does it look like. Did you see a white light at the end of the tunnel. "Why didn't you turn back. Didn't you know we need you?

"The doctor said that there wasn't enough blood to provide oxygen to your brain, and that if you did survive you'd be in a vegetative state your whole life. I wouldn't have wanted that for you. That's not living. That's a living death and what is the point of living if you're living dead. But I'm selfish. I want you. I miss you. I need you. But you're gone.

"I know you didn't want to go. You wanted to stay. You wanted to be around for the girls. You wanted to be there for their first words, first steps, first dates, first homework assignments, weddings, grandchildren...

"Why does it hurt so bad to say ­good-bye. I miss you more then words can begin to describe. I feel an ache in my heart... a large emptiness that can only be filled by you. And now I've lost you. GOD can my life GET any worse"

Zach paused. "Lane, I promise you I will love those girls more then I even thought possible and I will raise them how you would want them to be raised." With that he kissed his late wife's lips again for the last time and his heart broke as he walked out the door.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls or any of the orginal characters

* * *

Rory was crying as her mother held here

"Mommy, Lane's gone"

"I know angel, I know"

"But I don't want her to be gone"

Loreali held her daughter tighter

"Rory honey nobody wanted Lane to be gone, but..." She stopped. What could she possibly say? Hallmark doesn't make a card for this occasion.

"Lane was lucky to have you as a best friend for 18 years. You were lucky to have her. Look sweetie Lane wouldn't have been the same if she had lived. Her brain wouldn't have worked anymore"

"It's not working now"

"No, but she doesn't need it in heaven"

"But I need her"

Rory sobbed against Loreali's chest again.

"And you still have her. Every time you see those babies you'll see her in them"

"But I don't have her. Mom whenever something exciting happened I would call **Lane**. Right after telling you of course. Every time I needed a friend my own age to talk to I'd call **Lane**. But I can't call **Lane** anymore. I can't visit **Lane **anymore because **Lane **is dead"

"True her body is dead. But her soul is still alive. Her spirit will always be alive"

"She'll NEVER get to hold those girls mom. She'll never get to do anything she was looking forward to"

"Yes she will. Just not here"

"It hurts so bad. Make it stop hurting"

"I can't honey. I wish I could"

"When will the hurt stop"

"It will stop soon. Mommy's here"

Rory closed her eyes and cried some more. But she knew the hurt wouldn't last forever.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gilmore Girls

* * *

Mrs. Kim sat in the hallway. She was shaking.

"GOD why did you take her? I thought you were supposed to be a loving GOD! I thought you were supposed to care for your children but obviously you don't. You took MY baby. You took the baby I loved so dearly. You didn't even give me a chance to say goodbye"

Normally Mrs. Kim was a GOD LOVING GOD FEARING woman. But at the moment she raged with the GOD that she loved and feared. How could He do this? How could He take Lane?

Oh sure He left her with two beautiful grand-daughters. Two grand-daughters that would grow up without a mother. Two grand-daughters that would never know their mother's love. And one grand-daughter who's birth killed her mother. As much as Mrs. Kim hated to she felt a twinge of resentment towards Kim.

_My daughter would still be alive if it hadn't been for that other child, _she thought. Just then the nurse came in. "Would you like to see your grand-daughters" Mrs. Kim shook her head.

"No thank you," she said, "I have no desire to see the baby that killed my daughter"

From her place in heaven Lane witnessed this interaction between her mother and the nurse and her soul broke. She didn't want her mother blaming the babies for her death. It wasn't their fault and they were the one good thing that came out of it.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls 

* * *

Lane's wake began on a Monday. Rory, being her best friend went in to see Lane first. Mrs. Kim decided it would be best if everyone went in one at a time and then the last day of the week would be the funeral. 

"Lane, I can't believe it. I mean it seems like just yesterday we were just kids making cookies, doing craft projects... sharing secrets and secret places

"I will never forget when we became teenagers. Remember how we made that vow that we would always be friends no matter what? I mean it. I meant it then and I mean in now. You will never die. Okay technically you did die but you will never die in my heart. 

I want you to know that I will help Zach with those girls. I will make sure that they are raised the way you would have raised them. 

"And I'll make sure that your mother stops being a jerk. She knows deep inside that your daughters were not the cause of your death. I know your spirit is watching over us. 

"Zach named the girls after you. The oldest one, her name is Lanie. The youngest is Kim. They are exactly identical and they look just like you. It's almost as if you live in them. You should see how much Zach loves your children... the children you created together. He lives for them. His entire reason for getting out of bed in the morning is to go to that hospital and see them... and to see you... in them"


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I own Lanie

I own Kim

I DON'T own Zach

I don't own Gilmore Girls

That about covers it

* * *

Lane had been dead six hellish days. For Zach every day was a struggle. The girls were still in the hospital. They were in the NICU too little to come home yet. 

His day began like this. He would wake up, not want to get out of bed, set the clock to give him 10 more minutes of sleep and then another ten etc until it was noon. Then he'd eat some cereal if he even bothered to make himself anything to eat, get dressed and then he would go down to the hospital. 

That was where he got his pleasure and happiness-- in those little girls. Lanie had Lane's smile. Her eyes lit up when she smiled. Everyone said it was just gas but Zach knew his baby was smiling from the way her eyes lit up. Kim already recognized his voice and looked at him when he talked to her. The doctor said it was a physical stimuli but Zach knew that was a load of crap.

His children were just incredibly brilliant. Of course every parent thinks that about their children but in Zach's case he knew it was true. 

"Hey sweetie," Zach said to Lanie. Kim was asleep. "Your sister is sleeping I see." Zach's heart melted as Lanie gave one of her smiles that lit up in her eyes. 

"So it looks like you're doing good. The doctor said you and your sister can come home soon. I can't wait till I have you back at... well not back at... at the home you will live in... the home your mother and I shared. We decorated the nursery for you girls... only we decorated it in blue. Don't worry though... I fixed it all up.

"When mommy and I were waiting for you girls to come out of her tummy the ultrasound said you were boys. You know I would have love you either way, but being that you're girls... well it feels like I have a part of mommy left in you" 


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I didn't own it then... I don't own it now

* * *

It was the last day of the wake

It was the last day of the wake. Mrs. Kim went in to see her daughter

"Lane, I wish you knew how much I love you. I know I never mushy and I know I tough but that cause I wanted what best for you"

The light dimmed and Lane sat up in her coffin. GOD allowed Lane to come back into her body to take to her mother.

"You don't love me mama"

"Lane?"

"Mama you say you love me but you don't"

"Of course I do"

She opened her arms to hug Lane but Lane shrugged her away

"If you love me then you will love Lanie and Kim. You will take them as your own grandchildren and as part of me"

"Lane they killed you"

"THEY'RE LESS THEN A WEEK OLD MAMA."

"Lane Kim don't raise your voice"

"I'm not a little girl anymore mama. You can't talk to me like that."

Lane took her mother's hand.

"Mama," she said more gently, "if you really love me do me this one favor and love those girls"

"How can I love them when they killed you"

"They didn't mama. GOD took me because it was my time. Don't you think I wish I could have had more time. I only got to hold one of my babies one time. I can't live anymore but you can keep my memory alive until we meet again in heaven"

"Okay, I do it for you"

Lane smiled, hugged her mother let her sprit once more ascend into heaven while her body descended back into her coffin.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Credit to Jamie... for the idea in this chapter

* * *

Three weeks later, Lanie and Kim were able to come home from the hospital. In one way that was the happiest day of Zach's life. In another way it was a terribly sad day.

_Lane I wish you could be here with me right now babe. I really miss you._

Rory drove with him to the hospital.

"I'm going to start doing volunteer work at the hospital," Rory explained, "in the pediatric unit and in the baby ward the other half the time"

Zach smiled but was only half listening. His mind was stuck on getting the girls home. He prayed nothing would go wrong at the last minute… like it did the night they were born.

Meanwhile at the Kim house, Mrs. Kim looked out the window and sighed deeply. She couldn't help but blame herself for her daughter's death. Her father was right. She had brought a curse on her daughter. If she hadn't gotten pregnant with Lane when she was fifteen Lane wouldn't have been dead… at least in Mrs. Kim's mind.

Mrs. Kim always had a problem with Lorelai but not because Lorelai got pregnant at sixteen. It was because Lorelai was able to be a good mother to Rory… whereas Mrs. Kim always felt she failed in comparison. When Mrs. Kim had gotten pregnant her father had been so furious he cursed his future grandchild saying all sorts of horrible things that would happen to him or her. That was why she was always so strict with Lane. She didn't know where the danger would come from so she tried to protect her the only way she knew how.

Zach was so distracted he didn't realize that Rory had parked the car.

"Come on Zach," Rory said putting her arm around her friend.

They walked into the hospital.

"Are the girls ready," he asked.

"Yes," the nurse answered and gave him the instructions.

"Lanie has a little bit of a cough so put the humidifier in her room and if it gets worse don't hesitate to come back here."

"Thank you"

"Also," the nurse added, "this is the new m-parent hotline. If you have any questions give them a call"

She handed him a card with the hotline number on it.


	13. Chapter 13

As Zach got the girls ready to come home Rory and Lorelei were setting up the nursery. There were two pink cribs. There were two rocking chairs. There were two tiny chairs. It was entirely Lane's design but instead of blue it was pink. Mrs. Kim came over to help.

"You know Lane was pregnant before," Mrs. Kim said

"WHAT," Lorelei and Rory said at the same time.

"Lane's little sister, the one in boarding school right now is actually my grand-daughter"  
Lane's little sister... or daughter as Mrs. Kim revealed had won a scholarship to a top of the line boarding school that would be considered an honor to get into

((Flashback))  
_"Momma," Lane asked, "Do you love me?"_

_"Do churches have pew," Mrs. Kim replied, "Of course I love you. What kind of question is that?"  
Lane took a deep breath._

"I'm pregnant momma," Lane said, "It's... the child... the daughter... that... the-"

"Lane," Mrs. Kim said, "Stop babbling. Say that again slowly"

_"I'm pregnant momma and I'm going to bring into this world a special child."_

_"That doesn't surprise me," Mrs. Kim said, "You are a special child so of course your child will be special."_

_"It's going to be the daughter of promise," Lane said  
Mrs. Kim had her doubts about that. She didn't so much believe Lane was lying but she thought maybe she was ashamed of what she had done or something and wanted an excuse for what she had done. Still her mother would play along and she would soon know if Lane was telling the truth or not"  
_((Flashback ends))

"How did I NOT know that Lane was pregnant," Rory asked

"It was the time we went away to Asia on a 'family emergency," Mrs. Kim explained, "I wanted the baby born where nobody would know Lane was pregnant"

"Why," Rory asked, "I mean if it was the daughter of promise... if Ellishya is the daughter of promise-"

"First," Mrs. Kim said, "I had my doubt about that. I didn't know till she was born and second you know how cruel people can be. I wanted to give my grand-daughter every opportunity to have the best start."


	14. Chapter 14

"Alright," Rory said, "But how come I never met her"

"You have. You know her well. Remember when Lane came back... how I said my sister died and I had to take care of her baby?"

"Of course. I remember that well. Ellen right?"

"So it would appear but Ellen is really Lane's child. We talked about it and decided Lane was not ready to be a proper mother. She wanted Ellishaya to have the opportunity to be a normal healthy happy child. There will be obstacles in the way for sure in Her life but Lane wanted her baby to have the best in her life"

"Can't Ellen make all of this better," Tori said

"What do you think She is," Mrs. Kim asked, "A short order miracle chief. She's four-years old for Goodness sake."

"Sorry," Rory said, "When is She going to come into Her abilities?"

"When She's older," Mrs. Kim said, "That is when She will_"_

"Does She know She's the child of promise?"

"I'm not going to tell her until She's old enough to understand what it means"

"Oh. What does it mean," Rory asked.

"It's complicated," Mrs. Kim said explaining it the best she can.

A few hours later Zach and Rory were setting up the room for the girls. They bro"ght the twins home and the twins and Lorelei were downstairs. They were sleeping in their basinets after having been fed.

"I really miss Lane," Zach said.

"I miss her too," Rory said, "She's always been my best friend. I remember one time when we were nine. I wasn't supposed to wear my mom's high healed shoes and I did. That was the one thing I would have gotten punished for because I could have tripped and hurt myself but Lane claimed **she **was the one wearing the shoes. My mom told her mom and well lets just say that she wasn't sitting right for a few hours. I asked her if she would have taken the blame like that if she knew the consequences and she said of course because if I had gotten punished I wouldn't be able to play with her for a few days and that would have been worse for her then a spanking. She said she would have missed me too much"


	15. Chapter 15

After Zach heard that story he was quiet for a few minutes and sighed. He didn't know that story but he did know it's a lot harder to be positive then negative.

"What are you thinking about," Rory asked.

"It's important to be positive isn't it?" Zach asked.

"Well... sure. I guess so," Rory said, "That was kind of random"

"I just want to be the best parent that I can be," Zach said, "and I'm afraid I might make mistakes in parenting those two beautiful girls"

Rory put a hand on his shoulder.

"You're **going to **make mistake," she said, "Every parent does. There is a difference between making mistakes and not being the best. Being the best sometimes means making mistakes. It is how you learn. Do you think the best of the best was born knowing how to walk, talk, use the potty and tie His shoes?"

"No. Of course not."

"A parent isn't born knowing how to be a parent. You can not know how to do everything the minute you're faced with a challenge. It takes time. It takes learning. Yes, you might get mad sometimes when you get anxious. I hope you don't but you might. You might do a lot of things but the important thing is that you continue to be the best that you can be. It means that you need to love them-"

"That's the easiest thing to do," Zach said


End file.
